This is my favourite chronicle, but there are quite a few inside jokes, as Bonzo wrote this primarily for our guild, not really intended for the wider audience. However, I am confident you will still enjoy it.

Bonzo mentioned in his previous comment, that “Unleashed” is the guild’s scapegoat, ANYTHING and I mean ANYTHING that goes wrong, its all Pambos’ fault. So if the server is down or there are no more additional instances or gawd forbid there is no more whiskey, you can rest assured its probably Pambos’s fault.

Malignant, well really thats Mal.

Magpawacar is one of those WOW Fortune 500 members, as you will gather! There are more, but I am sure you want to get started on reading what Bonzo, our unlikely hero of the Horde got up to this time.

The Bonzo Chronicles part 4 : Written by Bonzo himself

WARNING: Some rude words

Random Dumbass Finder

Guild Chat: Dalaran, 19:56

[Bonzo] has come online.

Magpawacar: Fewking eejits who put itesm on aution house andn then take it off just befoer BO time mak me MAD! Cocskucksrs! Hey Bonz.

[2: Trade] Knobjockey 1: LF boost RFK
[2: Trade] Knobjockey 2: I can hlep – gief 10 glod
[2: Trade] Knobjockey 1: yor mom gafe 10 glod

/leave 2

[You have left Channel 2: Trade]

Bonzo: Lo teh guild! All well?

Magpawacar: Fewking glodspammers in Org make me MAD!

Tromar: Hi Bonz.

Malignant: And the worst part was that we had to call the fire department to remove it! They used a whole tub of Vaseline! I’ve never been so embarrassed!!1

Shoshone: oO

Malignant: mt…

Gothmogs: Loooooooooooooooooool!

Uglimuffer: Hi Bonz.

Bonzo: Quiet here tonight. But I see that there are 18 of us online. You lot all on TS?

Sazon: Yeah Bonz. Come on, you slacker!

Bonzo: One sec.

[ Moonlight whispers]: /Spank ^^

[Molpadia has come online]

Molpadia: Hey all.

Magpawacar: Jezgobblers! Feckign glod spamMERS!1We hatesssss them!

So it looks like we’re heading to an olde worlde instance: Molten Core.

I remember going there a while ago – hell, must have been a few years now. We got slapped silly. My repair bill was astronomical, and all I got out of it was [Rusted Mail Boots]. I hated the place, fiery bastards throwing their flames around and two headed dogs and imps biting yer bollix all the while. Not a fun time, no sir.

The memories still haunt me…

Dappee: Bonzo! I haz aggro – get this fucker off me!

Bonzo: What? I thought Hamo was tanking!

Littlehorn: Bonzo you dumbass – we all agreed on this tactic before we started! Weren’t you listening??!

Bonzo: Er… no?

Hamolopov: I’m arms spec!

Bonzo: Me too!

Sazon: Now’s not the time, people. I’m having to concentrate here! *cast lifebloom, flower petals, serenity, magic missile, poppadom*

Diet: OMG!! GOING OOM!

Boynk: Caps-attack, lawl!

Greemin: I NEED HEALING! SOMEONE INNOVATE MEH!

Greemin: NVM. Dead. o_o

Immolaeus: Aaaaaw. Sad Sad

Magpawacar: Nice one guys. This is a wpie.

Malborn: Mmm, pie…

Magpawacar: *wipe

Diet: OOM! HEAL MEEEEEEEEEH!!!1

Boynk: Caps-attack, lawl!

Sazon: I’m healing the tank ffs!

Malborn: Would that be the guy with the two hander?

Greemah: Bonzo, WTF?!

Bonzo: Nobody told me I was MT!

Dappee: Yes we did.

Littlehorn: Bonzo, you asshole… :/

Boynk: Kek…

[You have been kekked out of the guild. L2P nub.]

[Naunak whispers]: Bonzo, you asshole…

Bonzo: Nobody told me anything! I was out hunting raptors and the next thing I’m speed-dialled to the meeting stone! Fcking idiots!

[Naunak is ignoring you.]

Well, it went something like that. Bonzo and MC have a history, and not a very happy one.

So I get onto Teamspeak. It’s so much easier than reading what everyone says. I mean, this great hulking god of thunder is throwing rocks in your face, and you have to ask him to stop for a second so you can reply to some random party member asking when to cast some or other spell. Not very professional, IMO.

Everyone’s on the chat channel. Mal’s telling people the tactic for some or other boss when all of a sudden his cat falls into the shitter.

Mal heads off with a hurried “AFK” and a small squeak as his headphone cord catches on his right ear. Saz is making pots. We loves pots. Magz is about to cash up his second million on auction house sales, then he’ll be right with us. Mogil is at the meeting already. As are Sisika, Nerfbat, Calodien, Molpadia, Gothmogs, Unleashed, Fleg, Tripswitch, Immolaeus, Uglimuffer, Shoshone, Onyxia, Tromar, Nephilim and just about everyone else in the guild.

It’s party night!

Immolaeus: Hey, have you read about the new dungeon finder feature?

Molpadia: Yeah, it sounds sweet!

Unleashed: I can’t wait to try it.

Then I have an idea.

Bonzo: Guys, I’m going to try it. I’ll teleport us straight into MC.

Mogil: I’m not too sure it will work, Bonz.

Gothmogs: Agreed. This whole thing is a bit new. Do you know how to use it?

Bonzo: I’ve been playing this game since Beta – I know all there is to know.

Malignant: Orly?

Tripswitch: Welcome back Mal.

Malignant: Back btw.

Tripswitch: Lol.

Malignant: Lol.

Bonzo: Come on. Sis, make me raid leader please.

Sisika: Mmkay.

[You are now raid leader. God help us all.]

Bonzo: Okay, here we go. Wish me luck!

Sazon: Right, we have pots galore! Wait, what’s going on?

Shoshone: Bonzo’s using the new dungeon finder option to beam us into Molten Core.

Sazon: He’s WHAT? Bonzo, wait…….!!

[Loading…]

Bonzo: There. See? Easy.

Onyxia: This doesn’t look familiar…

Molpadia: It sort of looks a bit like the Barrens. Only… different.

Calodien: Bonzo, what have you done?

Magpawacar: WHAT! THE! FUUCK!!!! I was jut abuot to place a last minute bid on a stack of fewking uber rare gems! Who the goddamn…?

Nerfbat: Er…… what’s that in the distance?

Mogil: I can’t quite make it out. Looks like a lot of somethings though.

Nephilim: They’re coming right for us!

Unleashed: Is that thing a moving mountain..?

Gothmogs: That’s no mountain… that’s a dragon… oh jayzuz…

Malignant: A dragon? In the Barrens? And what the fuck is a river of lava doing in the middle of the Stagnant Oasis?

Sazon: I know that dragon… that’s……….

Magpawacar: Oh my sweet lord, that’s DEATHWING!!!

Immolaeus casts [Invisibility]
Tripswitch casts [Feign Death]
Nerfbat casts [Feign Death]
Tromar casts [Feign Death]
Sisika disappears into thin air.
Magpawacar shits his rods.

Sazon: RUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNNNNNN!!!!!!!

Malignant: Bonzo, you dumbass – you’re teleported us straight into the new expansion! Where in the name of all the gods did you buy your navigation skills?

Bonzo: Er… I never quite got the hang of navigation.

Gothmogs casts [Fear] on all the demons of hell.
[All the Demons of Hell are Immune]
Gothmogs dies.

Unleashed: Bonzo, you idiot! What have you done?

Bonzo: Hey, you wanted to use the dungeon finder! I was just doing what you asked for.

Sazon: This is all your fault, Bonzo!

Bonzo: No way man, it was Unleashed – he made me do it! I BLAME PAMBOS!

Deathwing casts [Fucking Massive Wall of Fiery Death]

Bonzo dies.
Sazon dies.
Malignant dies.
Magpawacar dies.
Unleased dies.
Nephilim dies.
Molpadia dies.
Mogil dies.
Calodien dies.
Uglimuffer dies.
Flegisdead dies.
Shoshone dies.
Onyxia dies.

[You have been kicked from the guild.]

[Sazon whispers]: Bonzo, you asshole…

Bonzo: It wasn’t my fault!

[Sazon is ignoring you.]

You have earned the achievement: [LOSER!]

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