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Funny guy – What does a noob and a rogue have in common? They both pick locks.
On the news tonight, a funny guy was found dead in what appears to be an agonizing manner with strange Shadow Bolt related injuries. More on this later, now for the weather.
Funny guy had it coming to be honest. Only an idiot mocks his superior to his face. Oh you’re unaware of this? Yes it’s correct, Warlocks are your superior. We rule over you in every way. Since I am a compassionate and understanding overlord allow me to tell you why.
Multiple Spell Schools
HA! Foolish Paladins with your single spell school, how easy it is to lock you out totally, bam, one spell lock and you helplessly flounder while I remain untouched. No seriously, try and counterspell me. Ohhh the pain… it burns… not, I guess I’ll just have to Incinerate you instead of Shadow Bolting, muhahaha.
We have multiple spell schools, shadow and fire or if we really want… shadowfire or is it flamedarkness? Ah yes Shadowflame. For when we can’t decide what school to use to kill you, we use both.
Who else can summon a mighty flaming green meteor on legs? Who else can command a Succubus to serve all our needs? Who else can summon… a big… blue.. marshmallow. Ok forget that one he’s useless.
It’s the Warlock of course! We fight when we have slaves to fight for us. They’ll handle the random creatures whilst I fish uninterrupted. Except for that stupid “No fishing in combat” thing, who the hell came up with that anyway? Forcing me to stop fishing to set a bear aflame. Silly idea.
If you think we’re like Hunters you’d be wrong. Those foolish beings actually care for their pets, they raise them, feed them and name them. My Felguard’s name is ‘target dummy’, I have no quarrel with directing a the damage I take to him. Let him suffer for failing to protect his master.
We care little for our own life. Why else do we make pacts with creatures from the nether? Why else would we use such corrupting magic? Cause we don’t
care. So why would we refrain from using our own life energy to cast spells? Life is a resource to be spent not hoarded. If I’m running low I’ll just drain some more!
Poor insignificant Mages… how you’d love to get your arcane hands onto our Life Tap wouldn’t you? You try with your Evocations and Mana Stones to copy us, but alas you fail like you were fated to. Point to Warlock.
Warlock 1, Mage 0
Who does every class fear? Us. We are ruthless, we are vicious, we are unpredictable. That gives an aura of uncertainty to everyone around us. Our swagger makes others cringe. Our glare makes them whimper. Diminishing Returns
are a mere inconvenience, we have Stuns, Horrors and Silences at our disposal too. More than enough to occupy you for the 18 seconds before we can fear you again.
Foolish Tree Druid, we banish you to the Nether. Incompetent Doomguard, you are our slave now. Dare raise your hand against us Felhunter? We’ll see you banished.
Why waste our time casting spells when a wave of our finger sends waves of nauseating pain through your body as our Curse of Agony takes hold. When a glance sends streams of Corruption into your body as an Unstable Affliction ripples through your very being. Raise our ire enough and we will set your body aflame as we Immolate your flesh.
Fear us mortals of Azeroth. Fear us and beg for our forgiveness for daring to stand in our way. We are the true power in Azeroth. Revere us and we might just let you live another day.
Unless you try to be another funny guy. Then I’ll just kill you.